A few weeks back Edwin and I were taking the bus and a group of high school boys came back towards us. Bleh, my public transportation nightmare was coming true! They sat in all the empty seats around us and started talking about girls, teachers and school work. They thought they were pretty cool and used inappropriate words at even more inappropriate times (fine, swear, but at least do it correctly, you know?). As I looked around these boys I realized that one of them very closely resembled a boy I knew named Alan. When I was 20 I ran an after school program in this same neighborhood where I work now. Alan was one of the students that came to our program and he was a total sweet heart. As I sat among the Alan look-alike and his friends I remembered that I was a part of what was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of The real Alan's life. Now, at the time he pleaded with me to never tell another soul...but, after seeing these young and tough boys on the bus, it almost seemed like it couldn't go unblogged. Just never tell Alan.
The last week of the after-school program there is always a field trip to a huge amusement park in Jersey. The kids look forward to it all year and I was pretty excited myself. Each adult had 4 or 5 kids in their group and Alan was assigned to mine. Everyone wanted to start out on the newest and fastest roller coaster in the park. Except Alan. The truth is I wasn't even sure if he met the height requirement. Much to his dismay he did and eventually he was pressured by the others to accept the challenge of riding...under the condition that I would ride next to him. Great. Done deal. Problem solved. Now, in the 35 minutes we waited to ride I saw Alan experience an array of emotions. At one point I thought he might puke. At another point he told me he had to use the bathroom...I just blamed nerves. Finally, we made it to the front and I gave him one last opportunity to sit this one out and wait for us by the exit but at this point he was determined. The ride was a quick one and although Alan screamed like a girl at an N'Sync concert he really seemed to hold it together well. As we all got off and gave him congratulatory high fives and fist bumps he seemed pretty proud of himself. The other kids ran ahead and Alan stuck back with me looking serious. "Celia," he said, "I think I peed my pants. But, please don't tell anyone! I'll just run to the bathroom and pretend I spilled water or something." As I tried to suppress a little chuckle my stomach dropped...this was my fault. He told me he needed to go and I brushed it off. Poor Alan was going to suffer social distress and it was all my fault! I tried to decide what to do. Should I pull a Billy Madison and pretend I peed too? No, too unprofessional. Should he tie my pink cardigan around his waist? Yikes, that might be worse. What should I do? What should I do? And then it came to me, just like that! "C'mon guys!", I yelled, "lets go on the Wild River Rapids ride!" As all the kids ran towards me I whispered to Alan to hold his sweatshirt down in front of his pants. I hate water rides at amusement parks. There is honestly nothing that ruins a good day like chaffing in wet jeans as you run all over the place...but, I had to do it. I owed it to Alan. Luckily, no one else noticed and Alan thanked me for keeping it between the two of us.
As I recalled this story that day on the bus I couldn't help but wonder what real Alan's friends would say if they knew that he peed his pants on a roller coaster in the 6th grade. I mean, we all have stories like his...but would they be mature enough to laugh and tell him about the time something similar happened to them? Or would they use it against him and give him a new stupid nickname like "pee boy" or "tinkle toes"? I guess we'll never know. But as Alan look-alike got up to get off the bus his friend called to him, "hey Alan, text me the math pages tonight." To which real Alan replied, "okay you bleeping bleeper."
That was a low blow tinkle toes.
An oldie but goody from way back when MTV
was awesome and used to actually show music videos.
Just in case some of you younguns didn't
get the cultural reference to Billy Madison...
